My client arrived to the coaching call seemingly upset. We started with a few minutes of clearing. I set the timer for 3 minutes and I ask them to vent, share whatever is in their head. I didn't say a word, but I was listening with open ears and mindful presence.
It turned out that she made a mistake at work that she considered a significant one, and could not stop thinking about it.
When was the last time you made a mistake and couldn't believe that you did it?
It happened to me last week. I forgot to submit an application that only opens once a year. I was planning it for weeks. Yet, the moment I wanted to submit, I realized that the deadline was three hours ago. I have to wait another year to be able to do it again!
How could I forget about it? How could it happen?
First, I was shocked. I just stared at the screen. I had a lot to do, so I quickly turned my attention to the next thing. The next stage was turning my anger somewhere else. It's easier to blame an external thing or person than to stay with unease, pain and sadness. The good things are happening because of what you like and the bad are because of what you don't. An hour later, I was in the bathroom, overwhelmed and sobbing. Sadness had arrived. I quickly went through a whole grief process.
What helped me is cultivating self-compassion.
I reminded myself of my religion that is love and kindness.
In the evening, I started to listen to the meditation Befriending our lives by Tara Brach. I progressed with it slowly. I did the first bit, being compassionate with myself on the first day. I expanded the circle of compassion in the coming days as I returned to the practice later.
How can you stay kind, and be a better human every day?
My invitation this week is to cultivate self-compassion.
Self-compassion, a concept developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, involves treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer a close friend. Neff's research shows that practicing self-compassion improves helps us navigate life's challenges with greater ease and self-acceptance.
Women can be particularly harsh on themselves. We are wearing multiple hats at work, in business, at home and in our personal lives. By practicing self-compassion, you can ease the pressure on yourself and become more kind, loving and forgiving.
The best thing is that the more you're able to cultivate this quality, the more it'll spread around in your environment. By being it, you model and teach it to your collegues, peers, sisters and daughters.
Kristin Neff's approach is also what I share with my clients. I guide self-compassion meditation on coaching calls and recommend it as a practice.
Bring calm to your life
When can practicing self-compassion be helpful?
~ When you're going through an intense work period, you're pushing yourself hard, making work feel demanding.
~ When you tend to be hard on yourself, and you react harshly when you mistakes
~ When your capacity has been different from other times due to a sick family member, an illness, an intense travel, or other duties.
~ When your work receives less traction than you hoped for, or you experience setbacks in your business.
~ When your brain functions at a lower capacity in an intense period, you moved recently, or dealing with jet-lag and you’re progressing at a slower pace.
~ When you feel anxious, exhausted or deal with mental health problems.
Benefits of self-compassion:
Resilience: Self-compassion helps you recover faster from setbacks by fostering a growth mindset and emotional strength.
Greater Self-Esteem: It builds a healthier, more stable self-worth by promoting self-acceptance rather than perfectionism.
Lower Stress: Self-compassion reduces stress by quieting self-criticism and encouraging a more relaxed, supportive mindset.
Feeling of Ease and Calm: It creates inner peace by embracing yourself without judgment or harsh expectations.
Emotional Well-Being: Practicing self-compassion supports emotional balance, enhancing overall happiness and mental health.
How to practice self-compassion?
Self-compassion is built on three core elements:
Self-Kindness: Treating yourself with gentleness and care, especially in times of struggle, rather than self-criticism.
Common Humanity: Recognizing that everyone experiences hardship and imperfection, helping you feel connected rather than isolated in your challenges.
Mindfulness: Being present with your emotions without judgment, allowing you to acknowledge pain without becoming overwhelmed by it.
A few resources to become calmer and practice self-compassion:
In this blog I shared a practice and a recording to truly relax and feel calmer.
If you're new to mindfulness, or would like to refresh your practice, read this blog first.
"How can you bring freshness to this moment?"
Pema Chodron asks this question in her book, 'When things fall apart'. Instead of being judgemental and turning your pain inward or toward an external object, learn the alchemy of self-compassion: cultivating love, kindness and connectedness to be a better human, and make this world a better place.
Cultivate a balanced, fulfilling life and embrace your wholeness. Start your journey today. Book a free discovery call.
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