top of page

Boundaries: why you say yes when you really feel no

How many times do you say yes when you rather feel it's a no?

You say yes to a project, a relationship, a job, or an event because you don't want to miss out. You're afraid of being judged. You're afraid of not being invited again. You're afraid of not having a second or a better chance. You're afraid of rejection or want to avoid a conflict.

These are all valid. We want to be liked and accepted. And what's on the other side?

When we’re in a vulnerable position, put on the spot, or face to face with someone else, we often fail to be straightforward about our personal boundaries. We might jump into a premature agreement, try to fix things, or say a quick yes to something to please the other. Many times it happens unconsciously and we only notice it later.

A true yes is something you feel

You might already feel it in your body the moment you say it out loud. Have you ever had that sense that you shouldn't go into that thing? Yep, this is exactly it. A soul-yes - a yes that is in line with your values and best interest - you feel with your whole body. It's easy. There is no doubt.

Brene Brown says we often don’t set boundaries, we let people do things that are not okay, and then we’re resentful. We tend to imagine that setting a boundary means being rude or pushy. It's the opposite though. She says that the people with strong boundaries are the ones who are the most compassionate.

Setting boundaries that uphold your values and allow you to practice self-care is a self-compassionate act. The alternative is resentment and unstable relationships. Having poor boundaries means overextending ourselves and giving away our power. It keeps us from living our truth.

Next time someone asks you for something, take a moment for a gentle pause. Give it a thought. Ask yourself: "What do I really want?" "What feels a soul-yes in here?"


bottom of page